Dear Human Resources:
I am a harvest intern soon to be unemployed. I understand that you are an
upstart wine-making/consulting company with explosive growth potential.
I believe I would make an ideal candidate for the position of winery
grunt/cellar-rat/coffee fetcher that you listed on winejobs.com
I have become immune to the drudgery of working 12-16 hours soaking wet.
I have that thousand yard stare that you see in so many of us interns.
My permanently stained hands no longer have any feeling except for constant
tingling and the occasional piercing sting of citric acid in the numerous cuts
and scrapes from digging out 24-ton tanks.
I smell worse than any bretty bottle of French wine (talk about barnyard).
My shoulders are scraped and sore from hauling pump-over irrigators and buckets of wet grapes up catwalks
higher than the Coit Tower and
I have unusually large freakish thumb and finger muscles from tightening and
undoing clamps from hoses and setting up that damn riser sanitation loop.
You can work me like a dog and give me water out of a bowl and then
as a reward, at the end of my 2nd shift in one day,
you can send me into a CO2 filled press to clean in cold wet pitch blackness.
In conclusion, I am used to being kicked around and feel I can take just a bit
ps – I also have a funny haircut that I did myself because Uncle Sam took most of my overtime pay
Have a great day!
Rangers 4 Giants 2! Giants lead trimmed to 2 games to 1. Today Game 4. Stay tuned!